A Fulfilled Life

“I have to come to realize that God does not want to punish us, but rather, to fulfill our lives. God created us, loves us and wants to help us to realize our potential so that we can be useful to others.”                            
(Dr. Benjamin Carson)

Bereaved Parent's Prayer

Heavenly Father, please help me to deal with the death of my child. I am frozen with this overwhelming grief. I don’t understand why my life is filled with this pain and heartache, but I turn my eyes to You as I seek to find strength and trust in Your faithfulness. You, Lord are a God of comfort and love, and I ask you to help me to patiently wait on You and not despair. My heart is crushed, but I know You will not abandon me, and You have a plan for my life. Help me to accept this loss as part of Your plan. You came to heal the brokenhearted, so I know You are with me now. Only You can heal my sorrow. I ask for Your comfort. Though I can’t see past today, You know all things. Please give me hope again and show me Your plan for my life. Show me how to survive day by day. Show me how to make lemonade out of this lemon, and who You want me to share it with. Help me to be sensitive to Your leading and guidance, and lead me into my new life. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Find this and other prayers at http://www.grief2joy.com/view/prayers.aspx

Positive Quotes from Dr. Ben Carson

Here are some inspiring quotes from Dr. Benjamin Carson:

“Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.”

“Successful people don't have fewer problems. They have determined that nothing will stop them from going forward.”

“If we acknowledge our need for God, he will help us.”

“I have to come to realize that God does not want to punish us, but rather, to fulfill our lives. God created us, loves us and wants to help us to realize our potential so that we can be useful to others.”

I hope you are inspired. Also visit www.grief2joy.com.

Jacqui

Take Care of Yourself

 I have been feeling under pressure for a few months now, and things have finally come to a head. Today I went to the doctor and was prescribed an anti-depressant and also a medication to help me sleep. For the past few months, I have been having trouble staying asleep at night and have been only getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep on most nights which makes me very tired all day. I’m in the process of relocating back to my home state of Maryland as well as more stress and more hours at work. I am also taking online classes to get my business degree. And of course there are the never-ending thoughts of my daughter who I will never see again in this life. Because of my daughter’s death in 2007, a few years ago I was diagnosed with depression which includes anxiety, heart palpitations, sleeplessness, irritability, forgetfulness, crying spells, and suicidal thoughts. Recently, all of these symptoms have come back, and that’s why I had see the doctor today. I also asked my doctor for a list of therapists and counselors that I can talk to. I will start making some phone calls tomorrow to find the best one for me.

The point I want to make with today’s message is that, if you need help, GET IT and get it soon! It will do you no good to put off getting the help you need and thinking that you can cope with these types of symptoms. As my doctor said to me today, there is nothing wrong with me. I am reacting and behaving in a normal way for someone who has been through what I’ve been through. Even suicidal thoughts are normal for parents who have lost a child. I want to see my daughter, so I would have to die myself in order to see her. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process unless, of course, I act on those suicidal feelings. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. Believe me, doctors and counselors have heard it all and will not be shocked or surprised by anything you tell them. If you want to continue to improve your life and find joy and happiness again, sometimes you have to have help. Most of all, pray. God knows it all and can handle it all. In our weakness, He is strong.

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more. I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui

Death of a Child

When your child dies you suffer life’s most devastating loss. What happens to you is worse than anything you can imagine. When your child dies, a part of you dies with them, and you spiral down into hell on earth. Nothing can prepare you for the pain you feel, and you lose your will to live. The sad part is that you keep waking up every morning to face another day without your child. How do you deal with such devastating pain and grief without losing your mind? How do you go on? What is the meaning of life now? Even though you may have surviving children, a spouse, relatives, friends, and your career, everything is changed now. You will never see life the same again.

My child, Dawn, died at the age of 35 on March 28, 2007 after giving birth to my third grandchild. I couldn’t function for two years after that. I lost my career as a real estate agent, I lost both houses that I owned and most of my possessions. I tried to put my life back together, but found that there are very few resources available for bereaved parents.

Doctors, psychologists, and everyone else wants to put bereaved parents in the same category as others who have lost loved ones. We are not in the same category, because the death of a child is the one loss that is unnatural. You can expect to outlive a spouse, a sibling, or a parent, but outliving your child just shouldn’t happen. When it does, the world seems backward and everything is strange. Eating, driving a car, laughing, and other familiar things seem strange now. It’s like you are living on another planet and have to learn about things all over again. You have to adjust to a new world without your child.

As I stated earlier, when I finally got to a point where I was tired of grieving and ready to put my life back together, I found very few resources  for bereaved parents. It seems like it’s just an issue that no one wants to deal with. In today’s world when children (adult children included) are dying at an alarming rate, something has to be done for the parents left behind to grieve. I found out that every year in the U.S. alone 50,000 children under the age of 30 die leaving behind 100,000 grieving parents. Since no one else wants to address this issue, I decided to do it myself. I created a website called www.grief2joy.com that will help bereaved parents to put their lives back together and discover what their life should be without their child.

The purpose of www.grief2joy.com is to help parents who have suffered the loss of a child. Although the main focus is on parents dealing with the death of a child, this web site can be used by anyone who has had a devastating loss of any kind. Maybe you have lost a good friend, your spouse, a sibling, your job, your business, your home, or perhaps you have gone through a divorce.www.grief2joy.com can help you rebuild your life regardless of the type of loss.

There’s no need to feel depressed, hopeless, and like your life is over.  It could be just beginning with www.grief2joy.com. We have some wonderful plans for bereaved parents. Please visit the web site and tell us what you think. We value your opinion and will respond if you have questions or concerns. Did you know that July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month? During July, you can become a member of www.grief2joy.com for free. Visit the web site and discover how to turn your grief to joy.

Jacqui

Your Life is Your Story

“A human life is a story told by God.” - Hans Christian Andersen

It seems as though our story has been interrupted by tragedy and that our childrens' stories havn’t been completely told; but God, who controls everything, doesn’t make mistakes and always does what He does for a greater, divine purpose. We have a difficult time understanding and accepting this when we are hurting and suffering; but the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can move forward into our greater, divine purpose. Our tragic loss is part of our story. Our childrens' stories seem to have ended, but we can continue their story by turning our tragedy into something great.

Let’s begin our search for purpose by understanding that pain is a part of life, pain should never be wasted, and pain is the price of success. A caterpillar doesn’t become a butterfly without pain and struggle. Seeds can’t become flowers without first being cracked open. A turtle gets nowhere until he sticks his neck out. Anyone who is successful has probably been through many years of struggle. We only see them in their success–performing on stage, on the red carpet, CEO’s of corporations, etc. We have no idea of the work and effort it took for them to get there. Successful people’s stories are usually filled with pain, setbacks and struggles.

As bereaved parents, our initial struggle is to realize and accept that our children died for a greater purpose in our lives and/or the lives of others. Our secondary struggle is to find out what that greater purpose is. After we find our purpose, there will be challenges to bring it to fruition just like other successful people.

If you are ready to discover your purpose or discover a way to honor your child’s life, visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  I look forward to reading your story.

Love, Jacqui

Controlling Your Thoughts

“Thoughts and words are living things that go out into the universe and reproduce after their own kind. It has been proven that you will have or become what you constantly say or think about. This is called the “Law of Attraction.” (I’m not going to write about that here, but you can research it on the Internet.) Also, the Bible tells us that we reap what we sow, which is the same principle. If you focus on your sadness, it will bring about more sadness. If you focus on changing your life and having a better future, your life will change, and you will have a better future.”

“Minimize or eliminate being around negative people. People who are depressed, who complain a lot, who always talk about their problems or gossip will only make you feel worse. Don’t let others dump their negativity on you. You have a new life to build, so don’t let them tear it down. You can politely tell people something like “You know, I have a lot going on right now, and I’d rather talk about more positive things.” Or you can politely change the
subject to something more positive.” 

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui Nock