I have been feeling under pressure for a few months now, and
things have finally come to a head. Today I went to the doctor and was
prescribed an anti-depressant and also a medication to help me sleep. For the
past few months, I have been having trouble staying asleep at night and have
been only getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep on most nights which makes me very
tired all day. I’m in the process of relocating back to my home state of
Maryland as well as more stress and more hours at work. I am also taking online
classes to get my business degree. And of course there are the never-ending
thoughts of my daughter who I will never see again in this life. Because of my
daughter’s death in 2007, a few years ago I was diagnosed with depression which
includes anxiety, heart palpitations, sleeplessness, irritability,
forgetfulness, crying spells, and suicidal thoughts. Recently, all of these
symptoms have come back, and that’s why I had see the doctor today. I also
asked my doctor for a list of therapists and counselors that I can talk to. I
will start making some phone calls tomorrow to find the best one for me.
The point I want to make with today’s message is that, if you
need help, GET IT and get it soon! It will do you no
good to put off getting the help you need and thinking that you can cope with
these types of symptoms. As my doctor said to me today, there is nothing wrong
with me. I am reacting and behaving in a normal way for someone who has been
through what I’ve been through. Even suicidal thoughts are normal for parents
who have lost a child. I want to see my daughter, so I would have to die myself
in order to see her. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process unless, of
course, I act on those suicidal feelings. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to talk to
a professional about how you’re feeling. Believe me, doctors and counselors
have heard it all and will not be shocked or surprised by anything you tell
them. If you want to continue to improve your life and find joy and happiness
again, sometimes you have to have help. Most of all, pray. God knows it all and can
handle it all. In our weakness, He is strong.
Love, Jacqui
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