Bereaved Parent's Prayer

Heavenly Father, please help me to deal with the death of my child. I am frozen with this overwhelming grief. I don’t understand why my life is filled with this pain and heartache, but I turn my eyes to You as I seek to find strength and trust in Your faithfulness. You, Lord are a God of comfort and love, and I ask you to help me to patiently wait on You and not despair. My heart is crushed, but I know You will not abandon me, and You have a plan for my life. Help me to accept this loss as part of Your plan. You came to heal the brokenhearted, so I know You are with me now. Only You can heal my sorrow. I ask for Your comfort. Though I can’t see past today, You know all things. Please give me hope again and show me Your plan for my life. Show me how to survive day by day. Show me how to make lemonade out of this lemon, and who You want me to share it with. Help me to be sensitive to Your leading and guidance, and lead me into my new life. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Find this and other prayers at http://www.grief2joy.com/view/prayers.aspx

Positive Quotes from Dr. Ben Carson

Here are some inspiring quotes from Dr. Benjamin Carson:

“Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.”

“Successful people don't have fewer problems. They have determined that nothing will stop them from going forward.”

“If we acknowledge our need for God, he will help us.”

“I have to come to realize that God does not want to punish us, but rather, to fulfill our lives. God created us, loves us and wants to help us to realize our potential so that we can be useful to others.”

I hope you are inspired. Also visit www.grief2joy.com.

Jacqui

Take Care of Yourself

 I have been feeling under pressure for a few months now, and things have finally come to a head. Today I went to the doctor and was prescribed an anti-depressant and also a medication to help me sleep. For the past few months, I have been having trouble staying asleep at night and have been only getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep on most nights which makes me very tired all day. I’m in the process of relocating back to my home state of Maryland as well as more stress and more hours at work. I am also taking online classes to get my business degree. And of course there are the never-ending thoughts of my daughter who I will never see again in this life. Because of my daughter’s death in 2007, a few years ago I was diagnosed with depression which includes anxiety, heart palpitations, sleeplessness, irritability, forgetfulness, crying spells, and suicidal thoughts. Recently, all of these symptoms have come back, and that’s why I had see the doctor today. I also asked my doctor for a list of therapists and counselors that I can talk to. I will start making some phone calls tomorrow to find the best one for me.

The point I want to make with today’s message is that, if you need help, GET IT and get it soon! It will do you no good to put off getting the help you need and thinking that you can cope with these types of symptoms. As my doctor said to me today, there is nothing wrong with me. I am reacting and behaving in a normal way for someone who has been through what I’ve been through. Even suicidal thoughts are normal for parents who have lost a child. I want to see my daughter, so I would have to die myself in order to see her. There’s nothing wrong with that thought process unless, of course, I act on those suicidal feelings. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. Believe me, doctors and counselors have heard it all and will not be shocked or surprised by anything you tell them. If you want to continue to improve your life and find joy and happiness again, sometimes you have to have help. Most of all, pray. God knows it all and can handle it all. In our weakness, He is strong.

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more. I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui

Death of a Child

When your child dies you suffer life’s most devastating loss. What happens to you is worse than anything you can imagine. When your child dies, a part of you dies with them, and you spiral down into hell on earth. Nothing can prepare you for the pain you feel, and you lose your will to live. The sad part is that you keep waking up every morning to face another day without your child. How do you deal with such devastating pain and grief without losing your mind? How do you go on? What is the meaning of life now? Even though you may have surviving children, a spouse, relatives, friends, and your career, everything is changed now. You will never see life the same again.

My child, Dawn, died at the age of 35 on March 28, 2007 after giving birth to my third grandchild. I couldn’t function for two years after that. I lost my career as a real estate agent, I lost both houses that I owned and most of my possessions. I tried to put my life back together, but found that there are very few resources available for bereaved parents.

Doctors, psychologists, and everyone else wants to put bereaved parents in the same category as others who have lost loved ones. We are not in the same category, because the death of a child is the one loss that is unnatural. You can expect to outlive a spouse, a sibling, or a parent, but outliving your child just shouldn’t happen. When it does, the world seems backward and everything is strange. Eating, driving a car, laughing, and other familiar things seem strange now. It’s like you are living on another planet and have to learn about things all over again. You have to adjust to a new world without your child.

As I stated earlier, when I finally got to a point where I was tired of grieving and ready to put my life back together, I found very few resources  for bereaved parents. It seems like it’s just an issue that no one wants to deal with. In today’s world when children (adult children included) are dying at an alarming rate, something has to be done for the parents left behind to grieve. I found out that every year in the U.S. alone 50,000 children under the age of 30 die leaving behind 100,000 grieving parents. Since no one else wants to address this issue, I decided to do it myself. I created a website called www.grief2joy.com that will help bereaved parents to put their lives back together and discover what their life should be without their child.

The purpose of www.grief2joy.com is to help parents who have suffered the loss of a child. Although the main focus is on parents dealing with the death of a child, this web site can be used by anyone who has had a devastating loss of any kind. Maybe you have lost a good friend, your spouse, a sibling, your job, your business, your home, or perhaps you have gone through a divorce.www.grief2joy.com can help you rebuild your life regardless of the type of loss.

There’s no need to feel depressed, hopeless, and like your life is over.  It could be just beginning with www.grief2joy.com. We have some wonderful plans for bereaved parents. Please visit the web site and tell us what you think. We value your opinion and will respond if you have questions or concerns. Did you know that July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month? During July, you can become a member of www.grief2joy.com for free. Visit the web site and discover how to turn your grief to joy.

Jacqui

Your Life is Your Story

“A human life is a story told by God.” - Hans Christian Andersen

It seems as though our story has been interrupted by tragedy and that our childrens' stories havn’t been completely told; but God, who controls everything, doesn’t make mistakes and always does what He does for a greater, divine purpose. We have a difficult time understanding and accepting this when we are hurting and suffering; but the sooner we accept it, the sooner we can move forward into our greater, divine purpose. Our tragic loss is part of our story. Our childrens' stories seem to have ended, but we can continue their story by turning our tragedy into something great.

Let’s begin our search for purpose by understanding that pain is a part of life, pain should never be wasted, and pain is the price of success. A caterpillar doesn’t become a butterfly without pain and struggle. Seeds can’t become flowers without first being cracked open. A turtle gets nowhere until he sticks his neck out. Anyone who is successful has probably been through many years of struggle. We only see them in their success–performing on stage, on the red carpet, CEO’s of corporations, etc. We have no idea of the work and effort it took for them to get there. Successful people’s stories are usually filled with pain, setbacks and struggles.

As bereaved parents, our initial struggle is to realize and accept that our children died for a greater purpose in our lives and/or the lives of others. Our secondary struggle is to find out what that greater purpose is. After we find our purpose, there will be challenges to bring it to fruition just like other successful people.

If you are ready to discover your purpose or discover a way to honor your child’s life, visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  I look forward to reading your story.

Love, Jacqui

Controlling Your Thoughts

“Thoughts and words are living things that go out into the universe and reproduce after their own kind. It has been proven that you will have or become what you constantly say or think about. This is called the “Law of Attraction.” (I’m not going to write about that here, but you can research it on the Internet.) Also, the Bible tells us that we reap what we sow, which is the same principle. If you focus on your sadness, it will bring about more sadness. If you focus on changing your life and having a better future, your life will change, and you will have a better future.”

“Minimize or eliminate being around negative people. People who are depressed, who complain a lot, who always talk about their problems or gossip will only make you feel worse. Don’t let others dump their negativity on you. You have a new life to build, so don’t let them tear it down. You can politely tell people something like “You know, I have a lot going on right now, and I’d rather talk about more positive things.” Or you can politely change the
subject to something more positive.” 

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui Nock

Forgiveness

Sometimes the most difficult people to forgive are ourselves. "If only" hounds us, robbing us of peace and piling on the guilt. We carry around 1,001 hurts and bear so many grudges, filling us with bitterness. Oh, to be cleansed and freed — to forgive and be forgiven! (from CBN.com.) For more on forgiveness, visit http://www.grief2joy.com/view/nl-lesson-8--guilt-blame-forgiving.aspx.

Jacqui

Departing With Your Child's Possessions

Dealing with the death of your child is a sensitive subject, so who better to take advice from than someone who has experienced the same loss and understands. Everything you’re going through I have been through, and we will both continue on this journey of recovery together for the rest of our lives. That is why I created www.grief2joy.com.  I want to help other bereaved parents like myself to create a new life of joy and happiness. I know it seems impossible, and it even feels strange for me to write those words, but it is possible. We will never get over losing our babies (no matter what their age), but we can learn to live again. Please enjoy this excerpt from one of the lessons at www.grief2joy.com.

“There is going to come a time when you will have to clean out your child’s room or give away their possessions. This time will come sooner for some and later for others. Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing this until you are ready. You might have a situation where your child was married, living alone, or living with a roommate, and their spouse or friends might want to do this for you if it is too difficult for you. Either way, you as the parent should have the option to go through your child’s possessions first and decide what you want to do with them. No one, not even your child’s spouse, is closer to your child than you are.”

“Giving away your child’s possessions doesn’t have to be a sad time. It can be a sweet time of remembrance and reminiscing. Don’t keep everything for yourself. Give some memories to your child’s siblings, relatives, friends, spouse, children, and co-workers. Here are some ways you can create memories for you and others who loved your child…”

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui 
Dawn's Mom

Love, Not Hate

Road rage. domestic violence, hurtful words, and emotional outbursts. All of these remind us that many people carry around an enormous amount of anger. When we feel we have been wronged, how can we deal with the resulting anger in a way that does not harm others? The answer is found in God's Word:

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out.

If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don't try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all!

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible. Romans (12:2, 9-18)

I hope these words are helpful to you.

Love, Jacqui

Power of Prayer

Use the power of your prayer and meditation, as this will help you see things from a new perspective and to also know what seems to be unraveling. Finding balance during these times will help to pave the extremes of yesterday. Stay strong and trust that there is more that is going on than meets the eye. These are the times you have been waiting for and see them as the opportunities to change your life.  (Taken from beliefnet.com.) Find more about prayer at www.grief2joy.com. 

Jacqui

Diversity and Racism

I have a very diverse group of friends. I have friends who are Asian, African, and East Indian, and even homosexual. I just like people for who they are. I am African-American, and my best friend is a white lady who is 12 years younger than I am. We are always talking about black and white racial stereotypes to each other, and we actually laugh about them. The other day we were talking, and I asked her "why do white people love to do dangerous things like skydiving, bungee jumping, and mountain climbing?" She said to me "because black people are always being chased by the police, but white people have to create their own excitement." We are very open about racial stereotypes, and we have a good time with it. Just felt like sharing that. Don't forget to visit my web site-www.grief2joy.com.

Jacqui

Talking to Kids about Death

Do not be afraid to talk about death with children. Kids are smart, and will realize that things have changed. Be honest concerning your feelings as well. Explain to children what will happen at the funeral or memorial service, and answer their questions the best you can. Children of different ages grieve in different ways. Explain things to them in an age appropriate manner. Assure children that they are not going to die and that no one else is going to die because this person died. Make sure children know that they didn’t in any way cause this death to happen. If a child is having problems dealing with a death, see a therapist who specializes in dealing with children and grief. Don’t wait to see how it goes; make an appointment right away.

For more tips on how to deal with children and grief, visit www.grief2joy.com. 

Bereaved Parents are Powerful!

Dealing with the death of a loved one is very hard, but not impossible. Dealing with the death of a child is particularly difficult and the most difficult to survive. The grief and pain of losing a child are never ending. I would say that grieving parents never get over losing a child. As a bereaved parent myself, I know that we relive the moment we got that terrible news over and over again, day after day. The fact that you’re reading this blog right now (and that I’m writing it) means that we are survivors and much stronger and more powerful than we realize. Even though we have to live with our grief and pain for the rest of our lives, that doesn’t mean that we can’t be productive and get some enjoyment out of life. We just have to understand that God has a purpose for everything and that most successes, inventions, and prosperity come from adversity. In most cases, the greater the adversity, the greater the reward.

As bereaved parents, we have to allow ourselves an appropriate grieving period. This will be different for everyone, so don’t let anyone rush you to “get over it.” Once you are ready to figure out your life and where you go from here, www.grief2joy.com is here to help you figure it out.

There will come a time when you will stop asking yourself “why?” questions and start asking yourself “what?” questions. You will stop asking questions such as: “why did this happen,” “why couldn’t I prevent it,” and “why my child;” and start asking questions like: “what do I do with my life now,” “what is the purpose of this,” and “what can I do to help others in the same situation?” At that point, know that you are beginning to heal. I know that none of us will ever forget our children, and we will always hold on to and talk about our memories of them; but we still have a future and a wonderful life ahead of us.

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more.  Please join while membership is still free. I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui Nock

Shoe Size Tells Your Age

All of my blogs have been pretty serious. Today, I want to take time to have a little fun. I’m sure you have heard the expression “act your age, not your shoe size.” Well, did you know that your shoe size can actually tell your age? Here’s how:

1. Take your shoe size.

2. Multiply it by five.

3. Add 50.

4. Multiply by 20.

5. Add 1012.

6. Subtract the year you were born.

The first digit is your shoe size, and the last two digits is your age. It worked for me! Let me know if it works for you.

Jacqui

Loss of a Child

Recently two of my best friends found out they were going to have a baby. That was very exciting and happy news. A couple of weeks after they found out about their new baby, there were some complications and my friend had to be put on bed rest for a couple of weeks. No one, not even the doctors, knew whether she was going to lose the baby. That was a very stressful two weeks with a lot of prayers, tears, and stress. The good news is that it’s a month later now and she still carrying the baby and is back to work. They are going to have a baby after all.

The point I want to make with this blog is that it doesn’t matter at what stage parents lose their child; the grief and the pain is still the same. I’ve met bereaved parents who have had miscarriages or abortions, people whose children died from cancer or other diseases, parents who lost infants, parents who lost teenagers, and parents like myself who lost older children (my daughter was 35 and she passed away). The point is that losing a child is losing a child; it doesn’t matter what age they are. I have done some research and found that the only thing that makes the death of a child more traumatic is if a child is murdered or commits suicide. In my research, I’ve also found out that parents who outlive their children have a 35% greater chance of dying an early death themselves. I’m sure that is due to  that stress, grief and pain that never goes away. It's a proven fact that prolonged stress contributes to early death.

Through my website, www.grief2joy.com,  I hope to  help bereaved parents have a better life. Even though we will never get over the death of our children, we don’t have to wallow in our grief and pain for the rest of our lives. There is a way to pick up the pieces and go on to be productive and experience joy and happiness once again.

Visit www.grief2joy.com to learn more. I look forward to getting to know about you and your child.

Love, Jacqui